Danjamin,

You beat me to the punch, but I had this in-progress. It also isn't a Christmas gift, which makes me delivering it after the fact less egregious, but creating traditions with you makes me very warm everyday, so it's impossible to not think about what you mean to me and I want another marker for that. Memory might be a capture of who someone is at a given time, and right now, I'm so ridiculously, impossibly, head-over-heels for you. Not asking for the hot guy at the bar's number when we stumbled our separate ways that night had all the setup to be one of my biggest regrets, I realize in hindsight, but luckily, you came back, and kept coming back, until we finally wised up and went elsewhere. Not that a dusty floor in Brooklyn was ever going to be much better, but if you were disappointed, I could never tell. I can never tell. Maybe the easy answer would be that I don't disappoint you, but, you know me. Sounds fake. I'll take my smack now.

We've had so many good moments, from all of the cheesy firsts we've had together to the eight hundredth plate of deep fried regret we've had at two in the morning. Though I have to admit, I even look back on things like you throwing up down my back fondly, that time you warned me five times, but I was convinced I had to fireman carry you to the train. Because you were my best friend, any night spent with you was better than any night not, which took me long enough to realize and even longer to admit to. Until we started living it, there was no way for me to fathom how good it would be to come to you every night and wake up to you every morning. It's cheesy and fucking gross; I couldn't be happier.

I love you, baby. A whole lot. Two lots. A whole strip mall in New Jersey number of lots. (Let's never go back there.)

- T

this part is a more freeform collection, of things we've discussed that i don't want to forget.

living room music to dance to:
• spooky mansion - disco bitch
• snoop dogg & wiz khalifa - young, wild, and free ft. bruno mars
• discobitch - c'est beau la bourgeoisie
• eels - the look you give that guy
• klangstof - seasons
• travie mccoy - billionaire ft. bruno mars
• flo rida - wild ones ft. sia

movies to watch:
• murder by death
• something garbage hallmark (with drinking game)
• the boy with the cuckoo clock heart
• goon
• fate of the furious
• carol
• bohemian rhapsody

ridiculous airbnbs to stay in:
• tropical tree house (fern forest)
• windmill by the sea (tinos)
• lookout tower (terrebonne)

We joke about putting things in our vows one day: a promise to touch tips forever and a spiritual obligation to high-five me upon request when I make a terrible pun. It's too soon to even be taking a stab at any of that, but it would be a lie to say I never think about it.

Because you're my home. You're my family. You're the best fucking person I know, Danny, and I'm lucky I get to spend the rest of my life with you, a decision we both fell into like it was a fact and in a way, it is, since I cannot imagine a future without you. The mere thought of that kind of lifelong commitment is terrifying to me, a guy who's climbed out a bathroom window when being given an extra toothbrush once felt like too much, but at the same time, it feels right in a way that I'll never give up. There's no one better suited for my soul and no one who knows me better. You realize I'm upset before I do; you make me laugh until my sides hurt and make me feel loved and safe. No matter what rough patches we go through, even on my bad days, they're still so much more bearable because I have you. It's you and me. For always.

Here's to the next seventy years. I can't wait for everything else that they'll bring.